Adult Saga / Chronic Illness and Pain

Healing Hurts

Physio hurts. Drove out to Coquitlam tonight for my physio appointment. Driving there was difficult; I was having high anxiety, as I have since last Sunday when I learned of the deaths of two people I cared about. Late last week I had to force myself to leave the house so I could get over that huge hump of anxiety; it’s lower than it was, but still difficult to deal with. Physio itself hurts like hell. I have to do exercises to build up certain muscles that have sat dormant in my crippledness for years. The muscles scream in

Chronic Illness and Pain

Happy Canada Day from your grouchy neighbourhood cripple

I really do hope you’re having an excellent day, regardless if you celebrate Canada Day or not. It’s Saturday and that’s a nice day so have a wonderful one if you can. As for myself, I’m grouchy and grumpy, because I’m broken. Again. I’m up visiting my mom in Powell River and I was really hoping we could go to the special Canada Day farmers’ market today (an hour longer than usual!) and maybe hit up some celebrations elsewhere. Just, you know — go out, have fun, see people, enjoy the summer weather. INSTEAD, I am basically kind of

Chronic Illness and Pain / dispatches from the loony bin

notes on gabapentin, day 6

ok, so 6 days of taking my new meds. here are some notes on it. it works. i mean, it definitely stops my twitching when i’m awake. however i’ve noticed, now my twitching has stopped, that i also have nerve pain in my extremities. i just never noticed it before because i was always either jiggling my limbs or twitching. i’m not worried about the nerve pain, as it can take 2 weeks for gabapentin to get rid of it. so if i still have it after 3 weeks, i’ll worry. i sleep really well on it. first 2

Chronic Illness and Pain / Medium Posts / Mental Illness and Mental Health

This is not for you: Productivity and Chronic Illness

This was originally posted on my Medium profile on February 7th, 2017. I read a lot of articles on productivity and improving one’s creativity and making life better. How to do better, be better, accomplish more, feel satisfied with my life, not feel like such a fucking failure all the time. I read these articles because productivity and discipline are things I struggle with and I want to see if there’s anything out there that can give me a leg up in reaching my goals. About 90% of them are explicitly not for me. I struggle with discipline, but

Chronic Illness and Pain / dispatches from the loony bin / Mental Illness and Mental Health

new meds

content warning: emetophobia got my gabapentin today. trying it tonight. also sleeping on the recliner tonight, because my neck won’t stop hurting. i don’t know what’s up with it. it hasn’t hurt this much since the last time i got whiplash. which was…on a bumper car i think. (yeah, bumper cars give whiplash. just in case you were out of things to worry about your kids doing.) we had to go out when i was just waking up and before i had a chance to let my muscles adjust to actually being upright. that was less than fun. i’m

Chronic Illness and Pain / dispatches from the loony bin

body betrayal

living with chronic illness and disability is living with a body that is constantly betraying you. i only speak from my own experience, which is that of someone who went from relatively healthy with a few weird but livable issues, to disabled, in constant pain, always fighting the truth of my own flesh. because of it i’m stranded in between believing fully in the social model of disability and knowing that no matter how much we improve society, i’m still going to hate being this way. it will always suck for me. there are people for whom the social

Chronic Illness and Pain / Creative Non-Fiction / Medium Posts / etc.

Hope in the face of numbness

This post was originally published on my Medium profile on January 6, 2016. My left pinky has become permanently numb. I don’t know when this started. Every day I press it, hard, to the palm of my hand, in the hopes that that feeling, that pins and needles, that signal to my brain that something is wrong with the flesh — in the hopes that will disappear. It never does. My pinky has become permanently numb.

Adult Saga / Chronic Illness and Pain

Can we talk a bit about chronic illness?

Specifically, acid reflux. I want to talk about my reflux. I’ve been holding back so much from my public life. I’ve stopped blogging here almost completely because I always feel that any post here has to fit my “brand” — whatever my brand is. I think the problem became me trying to fit myself into some mold I’m not; trying to always be camera-ready, even in my writing. When I first started blogging I talked about everything that was going on in my life. I didn’t hold back. Over time I decided there were some things I’d prefer to