Adult Saga / dispatches from the loony bin

Father’s Day is tough for me

I really wish it weren’t. I cut my biological sire out of my life when I turned 26. That’s 5 years this August and yet certain days haven’t gotten easier for me. His birthday. Today. Any day that reminds me: I have no mortal father. (Immortal? Well, that’s better read about at my religious blog.) The kind of insidious thing about abuse is the grooming for it can make it almost impossible to escape, even after you’ve escaped. My brain keeps bringing up the script that I’m a Bad Daughter for not calling him on his birthday, or today,

dispatches from the loony bin / Publishing / Ten Thousand Hours of Procrastination / etc.

The Fear of Long Books

This is something I’ve noticed lately in my time spent in various author places online. There is an almost pathological fear of long books. I see post after post from people worrying about their word count, that their book is “too long.” I see post after post of people saying “Keep your book short because all long books are unedited pieces of crap and you don’t want to bore your reader!” (Paraphrased.) Many of these posts I see are referring to books in my genre — SFF. The word counts I’m seeing this about? 150K. 130K. 100K. *looks at

Chronic Illness and Pain / dispatches from the loony bin

notes on gabapentin, day 6

ok, so 6 days of taking my new meds. here are some notes on it. it works. i mean, it definitely stops my twitching when i’m awake. however i’ve noticed, now my twitching has stopped, that i also have nerve pain in my extremities. i just never noticed it before because i was always either jiggling my limbs or twitching. i’m not worried about the nerve pain, as it can take 2 weeks for gabapentin to get rid of it. so if i still have it after 3 weeks, i’ll worry. i sleep really well on it. first 2

dispatches from the loony bin / Medium Posts

My Failed Relationship with Toe Socks

This post was originally published on my Medium profile on January 21st, 2016. Since I was 12 I’ve been in love with toe socks. They’d become the symbol for the quirky, cute, intelligent girl who didn’t quite fit in but was still gorgeous according to conventional standards of beauty. They appeared in the glossy spreads of my teen magazines, desperately read in a grasping attempt to be relevant, to gain friends. Maybe if I did these things, people would like me…. It took me years to realize there was no magic formula between the covers of Seventeen or J-14

Chronic Illness and Pain / dispatches from the loony bin / Mental Illness and Mental Health

new meds

content warning: emetophobia got my gabapentin today. trying it tonight. also sleeping on the recliner tonight, because my neck won’t stop hurting. i don’t know what’s up with it. it hasn’t hurt this much since the last time i got whiplash. which was…on a bumper car i think. (yeah, bumper cars give whiplash. just in case you were out of things to worry about your kids doing.) we had to go out when i was just waking up and before i had a chance to let my muscles adjust to actually being upright. that was less than fun. i’m

Chronic Illness and Pain / dispatches from the loony bin

body betrayal

living with chronic illness and disability is living with a body that is constantly betraying you. i only speak from my own experience, which is that of someone who went from relatively healthy with a few weird but livable issues, to disabled, in constant pain, always fighting the truth of my own flesh. because of it i’m stranded in between believing fully in the social model of disability and knowing that no matter how much we improve society, i’m still going to hate being this way. it will always suck for me. there are people for whom the social

dispatches from the loony bin / Medium Posts / Mental Illness and Mental Health

Finding Back the Glue

This post was originally posted on my Medium profile on January 13, 2016. Sometimes I imagine myself as a table, holding a mug. The mug is my sanity, and the table is my life, it’s me, it’s the sum total of experiences and memories and everything that makes me, me. The table has three uneven legs; they are wobbly and patched in places. One might actually be a real, human leg, but we’re not asking where it came from. Glued together, stapled, hinged, whatever’s available has been used. In the center of the table, between the legs, is a

Adult Saga / dispatches from the loony bin / Invasion of the Vashta Nerada / etc.

life updates

oh hey, i remembered this thing exists. ok, so, long and short of it — i’ve been up all night and i can’t see straight at this point. yesterday i got informed we have another flood. for those of you keeping score at home, this is flood number 3 in our time here. the first was the weekend before our wedding, the second was last november (so only a few months ago), and the third was yesterday. the good news is this flood seems to be the least severe of the three, so they’re getting better? i guess? regardless