I should probably post something here

Just so you all know I’m not dead.

I know, I haven’t posted in over a month, and now I am posting it’s just a boring general update on my life, not something fascinating about the backstory of Athering.

I apologize.

I’ve been fighting off illness, physical and mental, for most of February and March, and been finding it really hard to keep my focus. Even now I’m getting distracted, looking away, letting my attention wander, obsessively checking Kitten Clicker to see if there’s a new astronomical event I can observe and make a star chart from (there isn’t).

Yesterday I decided that cleaning up and reorganizing my office/the guest bedroom would help me focus better, because the mess has been distracting. It’s true the mess has been distracting, and I do feel better now that I’ve taken the first step to cleaning. Of course, there are still a million steps, and I’m sitting here trying to convince myself to do some actual work before tackling the mess again. It’s going to take me several days to finish it, so there’s no need for it to be the first thing I work at every day.

All this is to say: I have no idea what to write about here. Or, I have ideas, I just haven’t had the focus to sit down and get them done.

I don’t know where my focus went. I wish it were something simple, like I’ve been off my meds and just need to start taking them again, but that’s not it. I’ve been taking my meds faithfully for a while now. I just…can’t concentrate. It might be a symptom of absolute overwhelm. Whenever there’s too much on my plate (as there is now) my brain just sort of…shuts down. It won’t focus on what needs to be done, what’s priority; it’ll just grab onto random passing thoughts and run with them. Which is why I find myself doing low-priority things first, because they’re easier, and I can convince myself I’m being truly productive because hey, that thing I’m doing is on the list. Somewhere near the murky bottom, but still on the list.

So I think what I’m getting at with this post is that I need to reduce my stated posting schedule here until my current state of overwhelm is relieved a bit. Posting once a week would be awesome, but it’s apparent I just can’t manage it at the moment, and every week I miss I feel guiltier and guiltier until I’m stuck in a shame-spiral that won’t end. Well, time to end the shame-spiral because it’s not doing anyone any good. I’m going to post here once a month, on a topic related to the worlds I write in — character snapshots, backstory, maybe unpublished myths, who knows. Stuff like that.

Reducing my posting commitment here, for now, will lower my stress levels and allow me to finish other projects — like proofing the paperback copy of The Jade Star of Athering, which really should have been done this week, and would have, probably, had there not been a TON of errors for me to correct (because I apparently misplaced my brain when I did the layout). New goal: end of the month.

Other projects I should be focusing on? Writing the third book in The Third Age, Anala, as I have a self-imposed deadline of April 12 to finish the first draft. Going to have to pull out the big guns to make that happen: coffee IVs and huge sacrifices to the Mousai. (Only half-kidding.)

Then there’s this month’s episode of Fifty Shades of Drinking; finishing the cleaning of the office; finishing last year’s taxes; re-organizing my pantry and cleaning my kitchen; doing my filing (a Sisyphean task); and oh, did I mention, wedding planning? Yeah. Getting (officially) married in 7 months and am super behind on that. Go me.

Adulting is super difficult and the benefits don’t always outweigh the costs. If you’re a kid reading this, take my advice: don’t grow up. Run away to Never Never Land and just stay a kid forever. MUCH BETTER CHOICE.

Anyway. I’m off to work some more on The Jade Star of Athering, and if I don’t post again this month (with something actually about Athering or something) then I will see you in April.

-Katje

Updates to the website and other random news

The other night I spent several hours updating my writer website, instead of working on revisions as I’d planned. I know, I know.

Anyway, I’m really happy with the results. Like, really happy. And I want to make everyone look at the site and tell me how amazing I am. So here’s a screenshot:

Screen Shot 2014-09-09 at 6.00.35 AM

Click on the picture to get taken to the site and see the rest of its incredible beauty. Then tell me how amazing I am in the comments here!

Or not. You don’t have to do any of that stuff, I s’pose. I just wanted to share my really cool site, guise. (There are a few more updates coming but it’s fully operational and REALLY PRETTY.)

Other small updates that don’t warrant posts of their own:

  • My leg is healing really well. Actually, the bone is healed, I just can’t walk normally yet (muscles, ligaments, etc, are not so eager). But I can walk with the help of my crutches and I should be able to walk normally by the end of this month. I just have to take it slow, and be patient and ARRRRGGGG I DON’T WANT TO BE PATIENT WHEN ARE WE GETTING CYBERNETIC BODY PARTS FFS? Ahem. I mean, yes. Patience. Taking it slow. Things I am so good at don’t you know.
  • You might notice a change to the info in the sidebar. Specifically, images for Barefoot Books. I am now a Barefoot Books ambassador and will be selling children’s books to anyone who’s interested. I am pretty excited about this opportunity, as I love books (duh), am interested in championing literacy (double-duh), and the books are really high quality (you’ll have to take my word for this for now). I am probably going to pen a larger post in the next few days, but for now I just wanted to give y’all a small heads up. (Also, don’t worry, I won’t turn into a spam-o-matic.)
  • I submitted 2 pieces of microfiction to a writing contest and I am incredibly nervous. Winners are announced at the end of October. That is a long time away. Someone hold me.
  • There is still time to pre-order Broken Sleep, my mom’s new book! I know, I know, shameless plugging, but I’m serious when I say it’s a good book, and you get a discount for pre-order. So if you want to read the really incredible first book in The Falling Sky Trilogy, go here and click the link of your choice. (Paperbacks ordered from Storenvy will be signed!)
  • I will be doing Fifty Shades of Drinking again starting in a few weeks. My goal is to have the next episode up by October 1st. Hopefully I will be able to stick to that. It depends on how well I can walk by then. (The problem being, of course, that going to the bathroom is such a tremendous effort while one is on crutches that drinking alcohol is a terrible idea. Water I can hold for 4, 6, 8, 12 hours. Coffee about 4 to 6. Alcohol? 1 hour. And then every 15 minutes for a few hours after. That is way too much hobbling for me right now, unfortunately.)

That’s the news in a nutshell, basically. New site look and layout, my leg is doing well, Barefoot Books is a thing that’s happening for me, I am now submitting short fiction and terrified, Broken Sleep is coming out really soon, and Fifty Shades of Drinking’s hiatus is nearing its end time.

-Katje

My 400th Post

You read that right. This is my 400th post at this blog, through all the various permutations and evolutions it’s had.

I feel like I should have something momentous to say for this occasion, but I really don’t. So instead I’m going to introduce myself again — some of you have been around for a while, but some of you are new readers, and might wonder who this crazy person is you decided to follow.

Katje in a nutshell

  • First, I am an actual nut. By which I mean the words crazy and nuts are used to marginalize people with mental health problems, I have mental health problems, and I reclaim those words as my own. I blog about mental health and illness on occasion.
  • I’m fat. I mean, this is obvious from pictures of me, but you should know I prefer the term fat to any of the “nice” euphemisms used for fat people that actually serve to promote fatphobia.
  • I’m 27 and I live in British Columbia, specifically the southwest quadrant (often seen as part of the Pacific Northwest by United Statesians). I realize the climate here is the mildest out of all of Canada. I am still going to complain about the snow and ice and cold weather in winter.
  • I am disabled. This is something I struggle with, because I wasn’t always disabled. I’ve been disabled with my spinal injury for almost exactly 2 years, though the injury happened in 2009 (backs are funny things). I try to stay positive for my own mental health, but it’s difficult, and I often have bad days.
  • I’m engaged to a man known as the Ogre. You will see me mention him here quite a bit. He’s 6’6″ and built like a mountain. When I first met him, my nickname for him was Fezzik. He is amazing, and I’m not quite sure it’s possible to love someone as much as I love him — yet somehow, I do.
  • Though I am socially-classed-as-woman and I am engaged to a man, I still ID as queer, and I am still genderqueer. I also don’t consider our relationship to be heterosexual, though he does, and these two views can exist together in harmony. Identity is a complicated thing, especially when we must negotiate our own identity with how it interacts with the identity of our loved ones.
  • My pronouns are zie/zir though I’m more concerned people get them correct when typing than when speaking. I’m still adjusting my speech patterns when I talk about myself in the third person; so long as I have difficulty with my own pronouns in spoken language I can’t expect anyone else to be perfect. For pronunciation, just think she/her with a z sound instead of a s or h sound. (zee, zur)
  • Unless I’m putting 100% of my attention on cooking, the chances of my burning my food or ruining it some other way are about 98%. I tend to get distracted by the computer, or other things, and always forget about whatever I left in the pan/pot/oven.
  • I’m better at not burning my baking, though cookies are still my Everest.
  • For Grey’s fans, I can give you my personality in a nutshell: I am a combination of Izzie Stevens and Cristina Yang. If you’re not a Grey’s Anatomy fan, then you’ll just have to figure out my personality from my blog. Sorry.
  • I adore chocolate and hazelnut together. My dream is to someday have a house with a pantry entirely devoted to a lifetime’s supply of Nutella, just for me.
  • I love junk food as much as I love home-cooked meals full of vegetables and good, lean meats. Just, in general, I love food. Unfortunately I’m more likely to eat processed crap, because it takes less time and energy to prepare and cooking takes a lot of spoons out of me.
  • You should know what spoons are; it’s a term I use a lot.
  • I’m a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, because friendship IS magic and I am basically Pinkie Pie.
  • I watch entirely too much TV. I regret nothing.
  • I both crave change and dislike changes to my routine. I solve this by dying my hair weird colours, or painting my nails a weird colour, or changing my blog theme…to a weird colour. Basically I look for ways I can create change that don’t actually screw up my life and it satisfies the restless wanderer in me for a short time.

I think that gives you a pretty good idea of what I’m like. For the rest of it, you’ll just have to stick around.

For those of you who have been here since the beginning: thank you, and I hope I’ll see you when I hit 800 posts.

-Katje

Our relationship, in a nutshell

Just in case you were worried this blog had gone all serious business and long posts, all the time.

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I don’t actually remember when this conversation took place or even if I’ve shared it before; I found the screenshot of it when I was browsing through pictures on my phone. Pretty sure it happened when I still lived on the Island, though.

In other news, this weekend I became obsessed with New Girl and Gossip Girl, because apparently I’m on a TV-shows-with-‘girl’-in-the-title kick. Gilmore Girls is on my list, too, because my friend lent me her DVDs of Season 1 (but I stupidly left them at Ogre’s or I’d have started watching them already). So far Gossip Girl (three episodes in) passes the Bechdel test and New Girl (24 episodes in) does not. Just as a note of interest.