Merry Christmas!

Hello dear readers! I am sending you lots of warmth and love over the holidays. I hope that whatever your celebrations may be, and whatever you end up doing, they bring you much happiness.

If the holidays are a stressful time for you, please know you have my complete understanding and sympathy. You have the strength to get through this and you are not alone. <3

Our Xmas tree. Nothing special but it warms up the room.

This time of year has not always been easy on me. It used to downright suck, honestly, and consequently I used to be a total Scrooge, without the excess piles of money or the scary ghosts. I’ve been very blessed that in the past few years it has gotten better, to the point where I actually get excited for Christmas again and look forward to the holiday, as well as my Longest Night Vigil (where I attempt to stay up from sunset to sunrise on Solstice). Also, I really enjoy wrapping presents, and I am insanely good at it.

I spent part of my Longest Night Vigil putting up our tree (check the video to see the twinkling lights!) and tonight Mr. Katje and I are having our own, private Christmas dinner. Tomorrow we go to his parents’ place to unwrap gifts and spend the night, and then on Boxing Day we’re having the big family dinner. Between now and this evening, however, I’m going to be watching Stargate SG-1 and trying to finish the stocking I’m knitting for our nibling. I will also be refraining from hitting “refresh” a million times on the USPS tracking page that tells me where my 2015 planner is (San Diego, since the 18th).

Happy Holidays! I’ll see you all in the new year. (Or possibly the evening before.)

-Katje

Christmas

Christmas gifts.
Christmas gifts. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I celebrate Christmas as a secular holiday, and I’ve come to love it in recent years.

I used to loathe it — having the door slammed in your face by your father while you sobbingly beg him to speak to you for a moment on Christmas Day will kind of ruin the holiday for you, and that wasn’t even the FIRST instance of him doing something like that — and avoided Christmas cheer as much as I could. I was a regular Grinch. I refused to decorate, and only got gifts for people under a sense of obligation and under duress. (The one exception being for my best friend, who loves the holiday — and no matter how much I hated the holiday, I loved her more and wanted to see her happy.)

My feelings of hate towards this holiday started to switch when I met the Ogre. He dresses up as Santa every year, you see, and it seemed weird to hate Christmas when I was madly in love with Santa. Also, suddenly having a big family to spend the holiday with made it seem more like Christmas.

So for the past 3 years I’ve enjoyed Christmas, and I thought I was looking forward to this year’s, too.

Until I realized this week I don’t have any money to get anyone any gifts.

Other people will be getting me gifts. I won’t have any way to repay the favor and will likely just put my name on the gifts the Ogre gives to his family member, as if I had any part in it.

I like being showered in gifts but only if I can reciprocate. I hate feeling like I have nothing to give in return to people who give so much to me. (This is an emotion expressed by the various characters I write, too.)

Often, my fallback would be to give gifts of my own books or things I’ve knit or crocheted — but that’s not really an option this year. I can’t afford to give any more of my books away, and only about 2 people on my gift list would actually appreciate a knitted or crocheted item.

Long story short: I’m praying for a Christmas miracle to happen in the next few days so I can get my loved ones something, at least.