Chronic Illness and Pain / dispatches from the loony bin / Mental Illness and Mental Health

new meds

content warning: emetophobia got my gabapentin today. trying it tonight. also sleeping on the recliner tonight, because my neck won’t stop hurting. i don’t know what’s up with it. it hasn’t hurt this much since the last time i got whiplash. which was…on a bumper car i think. (yeah, bumper cars give whiplash. just in case you were out of things to worry about your kids doing.) we had to go out when i was just waking up and before i had a chance to let my muscles adjust to actually being upright. that was less than fun. i’m

Chronic Illness and Pain / Creative Non-Fiction / Medium Posts / etc.

Hope in the face of numbness

This post was originally published on my Medium profile on January 6, 2016. My left pinky has become permanently numb. I don’t know when this started. Every day I press it, hard, to the palm of my hand, in the hopes that that feeling, that pins and needles, that signal to my brain that something is wrong with the flesh — in the hopes that will disappear. It never does. My pinky has become permanently numb.

Adult Saga / dispatches from the loony bin / Invasion of the Vashta Nerada / etc.

life updates

oh hey, i remembered this thing exists. ok, so, long and short of it — i’ve been up all night and i can’t see straight at this point. yesterday i got informed we have another flood. for those of you keeping score at home, this is flood number 3 in our time here. the first was the weekend before our wedding, the second was last november (so only a few months ago), and the third was yesterday. the good news is this flood seems to be the least severe of the three, so they’re getting better? i guess? regardless

Invasion of the Vashta Nerada

My Dysfunctional Relationship with Library Books

I adore libraries. I love them so much. They are my happy place, and I have a not-so-secret but currently-impractical-as-fuck desire to be a librarian. (Impractical because, um, yeah, don’t have money to go back to school for a COMPLETELY NEW SET OF SKILLS.) I love to go to the library and browse books. The shelves are full of possibility for me, even when the SFF section is severely lacking (as it often is, where I’ve lived — why would we have book ONE in a series anywhere in our system? MADNESS — here, have books #6-9, they’re much

The Borderlands Saga / The Third Age / Writer Life

Nope, taking care of the dog did not, in fact, kill me

Or at least I assume so, as I seem to still be corporeal. (Though my body is disintegrating at an alarming rate now I’m this close to being 30. It is possible I am a zombie.) It occurred to me today that I hadn’t posted here since December, and that I should probably remedy that, as my last post was about how taking care of Tyee was slowly murdering me and some readers might think I did actually die-by-doggy-daycare (actually, that sounds amazing). At least one might think that if one doesn’t follow my Facebook page, which I’ve been

Adult Saga / Wolf Pack Life

Thoughts I had while walking the dog yesterday

While driving up to the mountain: please don’t jump out the window at those rabbits please don’t jump out the window at those rabbits please don’t jump out the window GOOD BOY While walking up the mountain: it’s DECEMBER WHY IS IT SO WARM Where’d he go? Oh there he is. Mountain for first dog walk since before broken leg = bad choice. Why did I decide to veil? There are zero other humans here and it feels like I wrapped my head in a basting bag. Benches. Benches would be amazing. Why don’t trails have benches? It would

Mental Illness and Mental Health / Open Letters / People Are Assholes

An Open Letter to the Man Who Called Me A “Retard” Today

Dear Sir, whomever you may be, I hope you feel good. I hope that you are sitting in satisfaction at never having made a mistake in your entire human life. I hope that you know that you must be perfect, that the gods shine love down upon you and bless you in ways they do not bless other mortals. This must be the case. I can’t fathom any other reason you would feel it necessary to scream “Nice fucking parking job, retard. Next time stay in your own fucking lane!” at me for a parking job that, yes, while

Wolf Pack Life

Praying for Wellness for Wolffy

You know what’s terrifying? Hearing that your mom “might have cancer again” 6 months out from your wedding. Putting it that way seems selfish, I guess, but I’m not trying to say that I care more about my wedding than I do my mom. I’m saying that having my wedding being so close puts things in starker perspective than the first time I heard my mom had cancer. The first time I heard my mom had cancer, my radar was clear of any major life events that I wanted her to be part of — so the bone-deep terror

Mental Illness and Mental Health / The Third Age / Things in Nutshells Yes That's an Actual Category

I should probably post something here

Just so you all know I’m not dead. I know, I haven’t posted in over a month, and now I am posting it’s just a boring general update on my life, not something fascinating about the backstory of Athering. I apologize. I’ve been fighting off illness, physical and mental, for most of February and March, and been finding it really hard to keep my focus. Even now I’m getting distracted, looking away, letting my attention wander, obsessively checking Kitten Clicker to see if there’s a new astronomical event I can observe and make a star chart from (there isn’t).