Thoughts on Season 7, Episode 1 of True Blood

Yes, I watch True Blood. Mr. Katje and I marathoned through several seasons and then got all caught up, and started catching episodes as they came out.

If you asked us why we’ve stuck with it we’d likely respond with “Stockholm Syndrome.” The show is like a trainwreck: awful, but you can’t tear your eyes away. At some point the only characters on the show we weren’t constantly wishing death upon were Lafayette, Eric, and Terry. (Other characters had their moments but these 3 were the only ones we consistently did not hate.)

All of the protagonists are stupid. The show is terribly written. They handle rape so awfully I should be surprised but sadly I am not. (Seriously, really really awful.)

And yet we keep coming back. We’re addicted to it, like one gets addicted to V.

So on that note, my thoughts on the first episode of the final (thank gods) season. There be spoilers and a lot of swearing ahead; mind yerself. (though if you haven’t seen it my thoughts might not make much sense, anyway.)

  • How is Sookie not dead? She is literally the stupidest character I have ever seen. She really should have died sometime in Season 1, though honestly it was forgivable back then because she was so new to all this mortal danger stuff. Season 7 though? No excuse. No fucking excuse. Why are you walking home alone at night when ALL YOUR FRIENDS WERE JUST ATTACKED BY HEP-V VAMPS? What is WRONG with you? So your boyfriend had a less than charitable thought about you. Boohoo. That does not suddenly make it safe to walk home alone when there are hep-V vamps everywhere. Especially after you’ve wasted so much of your super magic fairy light because you’re stupid. “Oh gee, here’s this one power I have that works against vampires who also think I’m catnip because I smell so good. I know, because my life is hard because of my mindreading powers I will TRY TO GET RID OF MY FAIRY POWERS SO I WILL BE DEFENSELESS. THIS IS A GOOD PLAN.” Jeez, girl. Take a vamp friend if you’re so pissed at Alcide. Really simple.
  • Uh, way to screw Tara out of what she deserves yet again, writers. Seriously, we get no death scene? You’re going to Greek tragedy this shit? Because of this I refuse to believe Tara is dead. REFUSE.
  • They recast James, which is fine because apparently Luke Grimes didn’t want to stay on because his character is going to be doing ~*~gay stuff~*~ this season, pretty obviously set up in the scene between Lafayette and him. Also Luke Grimes has gone on to play Elliot Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey so, you know, have fun with that rape culture manifesto turned shitty movie, dude! (Abuse is fine but gay sex? OH THE HUMANITY.) Whatever; Nathan Parsons is much hotter.
  • Jessica what r u doing. You need to eat. What is wrong with you. You are setting yourself up for murdering the last of Andy’s fairy daughters here.
  • Why doesn’t anyone get some crossbows with wooden-shafted bolts? Like, seriously. Jessica could have taken care of that Hep-V vamp in no time at all if she’d had a crossbow. Or, IDK, guns with WOODEN BULLETS? Seeing as their existence has been established. Guys it’s been 6 months since the Hep-V epidemic started, WHY HAVE YOU NOT ARMED YOURSELVES?
  • I’m wondering if Bon Temps and Sunnydale are secretly the same place because everyone is in constant mortal danger and super stupid about it.
  • Why is everyone blaming Sookie again? Is it because she’s a terribly-written Mary Sue who is so special and ~*~different~*~ everyone has to hate her or she’s not special enough? Is that it? Oh, it is. Okay then.
  • What…why are these people forming a mob and blaming all the vamps again? Like, haven’t we worked through these issues? Haven’t we figured out that until the hep-V thing passes, y’all need vamps for protection? Are you, Mr. Ringleader, seriously that upset about losing the mayoral race to Sam? “If I can’t run this town I’mma wreck it so YOU can’t run it!” Whyyyyyyyy, Bon Temps. Whyyyyyyy.
  • Yeah, ok, Jason/Violet fucking on the car was pretty hot. High point of the episode probably.
  • Ugh Alcide and Sookie are the most boring. couple. ever. Where the fuck did their chemistry go?
  • There was a complete lack of Eric and not nearly enough Lafayette. In Terry’s absence, this is not acceptable. NEEDS MORE ERIC AND LAFAYETTE.
  • Woooooow what a shitty, anticlimactic way to end an episode. Fuck you guys.

Honestly if it weren’t the last season we probably would have said “fuck this shit” at the end of season 6. So far season 7 is not off to a good start. Hopefully episode two won’t be so fucking boring.


1 thought on “Thoughts on Season 7, Episode 1 of True Blood

  1. Pingback: Thoughts on True Blood Season 7 episode 2, or “Gay Blood” | Amoeba Kat Musings

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