I should probably post something here

      2 Comments on I should probably post something here

Just so you all know I’m not dead.

I know, I haven’t posted in over a month, and now I am posting it’s just a boring general update on my life, not something fascinating about the backstory of Athering.

I apologize.

I’ve been fighting off illness, physical and mental, for most of February and March, and been finding it really hard to keep my focus. Even now I’m getting distracted, looking away, letting my attention wander, obsessively checking Kitten Clicker to see if there’s a new astronomical event I can observe and make a star chart from (there isn’t).

Yesterday I decided that cleaning up and reorganizing my office/the guest bedroom would help me focus better, because the mess has been distracting. It’s true the mess has been distracting, and I do feel better now that I’ve taken the first step to cleaning. Of course, there are still a million steps, and I’m sitting here trying to convince myself to do some actual work before tackling the mess again. It’s going to take me several days to finish it, so there’s no need for it to be the first thing I work at every day.

All this is to say: I have no idea what to write about here. Or, I have ideas, I just haven’t had the focus to sit down and get them done.

I don’t know where my focus went. I wish it were something simple, like I’ve been off my meds and just need to start taking them again, but that’s not it. I’ve been taking my meds faithfully for a while now. I just…can’t concentrate. It might be a symptom of absolute overwhelm. Whenever there’s too much on my plate (as there is now) my brain just sort of…shuts down. It won’t focus on what needs to be done, what’s priority; it’ll just grab onto random passing thoughts and run with them. Which is why I find myself doing low-priority things first, because they’re easier, and I can convince myself I’m being truly productive because hey, that thing I’m doing is on the list. Somewhere near the murky bottom, but still on the list.

So I think what I’m getting at with this post is that I need to reduce my stated posting schedule here until my current state of overwhelm is relieved a bit. Posting once a week would be awesome, but it’s apparent I just can’t manage it at the moment, and every week I miss I feel guiltier and guiltier until I’m stuck in a shame-spiral that won’t end. Well, time to end the shame-spiral because it’s not doing anyone any good. I’m going to post here once a month, on a topic related to the worlds I write in — character snapshots, backstory, maybe unpublished myths, who knows. Stuff like that.

Reducing my posting commitment here, for now, will lower my stress levels and allow me to finish other projects — like proofing the paperback copy of The Jade Star of Athering, which really should have been done this week, and would have, probably, had there not been a TON of errors for me to correct (because I apparently misplaced my brain when I did the layout). New goal: end of the month.

Other projects I should be focusing on? Writing the third book in The Third Age, Anala, as I have a self-imposed deadline of April 12 to finish the first draft. Going to have to pull out the big guns to make that happen: coffee IVs and huge sacrifices to the Mousai. (Only half-kidding.)

Then there’s this month’s episode of Fifty Shades of Drinking; finishing the cleaning of the office; finishing last year’s taxes; re-organizing my pantry and cleaning my kitchen; doing my filing (a Sisyphean task); and oh, did I mention, wedding planning? Yeah. Getting (officially) married in 7 months and am super behind on that. Go me.

Adulting is super difficult and the benefits don’t always outweigh the costs. If you’re a kid reading this, take my advice: don’t grow up. Run away to Never Never Land and just stay a kid forever. MUCH BETTER CHOICE.

Anyway. I’m off to work some more on The Jade Star of Athering, and if I don’t post again this month (with something actually about Athering or something) then I will see you in April.


2 thoughts on “I should probably post something here

  1. Crystal M. Trulove

    Oh my gosh, I can’t even believe it. I have re-read the beginning several times… but have no idea why… the opening paragraphs of your post made me think of Tootles losing his marbles. And then Wham! You made a Peter Pan reference. You were channeling the story, even though you weren’t talking about it. Isn’t that stuff wonderful?

    Second point of importance: You most certainly are not dead and not allowed to be dead or even thinking about visiting the realm, because I AM ALMOST THERE! (itinerary update: can’t meet the Ogre because it will be mid-week, possibly as early as Wednesday, possibly as late as Friday) If you died right now it would be the height of poor hospitality, and in the words of Prince Humperdinck I would be very put out.

    Plus, I like you. Plus, you get to meet my friend Mads!

    Point three. You write about depression as perfectly as I’ve seen it described I think. Man, can I relate. That part about doing the lowest of the low priority, because it’s easy, and you can feel good about yourself for doing something, and dammit it’s on the LIST! Like cleaning the dust out of the bottom of the silverware drawer. Right? It does have to be done. (Meanwhile, the second generation of mice are eating well from the pile of dishes in the sink, and the ant highway department has actually set up signals at intersections.)

    1. Katje Post author

      Haha, no worries. I don’t plan on dying just yet. Too many books to write!

      I’m glad I write about depression well. I mean, I feel like I should be able to; I’ve lived with the damn thing for so long. It’s like a bad roommate you can’t shake. (No, dude, you’re not getting your deposit back.)

      Luckily, I made the smart decision and reduced my self-imposed stress by pushing off my deadline for finishing Anala. Go me. ^_^

      Can’t wait to see you!

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