Category Archives: dispatches from the loony bin

it sounded better than “uncategorized”.

The Fear of Long Books

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This is something I’ve noticed lately in my time spent in various author places online. There is an almost pathological fear of long books. I see post after post from people worrying about their word count, that their book is “too long.” I see post after post of people saying “Keep your book short because all long books are unedited… Read more »

My Friend from High School Died and it’s Fucking Me Up

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This was originally posted on my Medium profile on February 21, 2017. Last month my friend from high school died, and we don’t know why, he just did, he was in his late 20s and he died of natural causes, which is just fucking me up because what the fuck does that even mean? Like my brain kind of thinks… Read more »

notes on gabapentin, day 6

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ok, so 6 days of taking my new meds. here are some notes on it. it works. i mean, it definitely stops my twitching when i’m awake. however i’ve noticed, now my twitching has stopped, that i also have nerve pain in my extremities. i just never noticed it before because i was always either jiggling my limbs or twitching…. Read more »

This is not for you: Productivity and Chronic Illness

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This was originally posted on my Medium profile on February 7th, 2017. I read a lot of articles on productivity and improving one’s creativity and making life better. How to do better, be better, accomplish more, feel satisfied with my life, not feel like such a fucking failure all the time. I read these articles because productivity and discipline are… Read more »

new meds

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content warning: emetophobia got my gabapentin today. trying it tonight. also sleeping on the recliner tonight, because my neck won’t stop hurting. i don’t know what’s up with it. it hasn’t hurt this much since the last time i got whiplash. which was…on a bumper car i think. (yeah, bumper cars give whiplash. just in case you were out of… Read more »

body betrayal

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living with chronic illness and disability is living with a body that is constantly betraying you. i only speak from my own experience, which is that of someone who went from relatively healthy with a few weird but livable issues, to disabled, in constant pain, always fighting the truth of my own flesh. because of it i’m stranded in between… Read more »

Finding Back the Glue

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This post was originally posted on my Medium profile on January 13, 2016. Sometimes I imagine myself as a table, holding a mug. The mug is my sanity, and the table is my life, it’s me, it’s the sum total of experiences and memories and everything that makes me, me. The table has three uneven legs; they are wobbly and… Read more »

Hope in the face of numbness

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This post was originally published on my Medium profile on January 6, 2016. My left pinky has become permanently numb. I don’t know when this started. Every day I press it, hard, to the palm of my hand, in the hopes that that feeling, that pins and needles, that signal to my brain that something is wrong with the flesh — in… Read more »

life updates

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oh hey, i remembered this thing exists. ok, so, long and short of it — i’ve been up all night and i can’t see straight at this point. yesterday i got informed we have another flood. for those of you keeping score at home, this is flood number 3 in our time here. the first was the weekend before our… Read more »

Can we talk a bit about chronic illness?

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Specifically, acid reflux. I want to talk about my reflux. I’ve been holding back so much from my public life. I’ve stopped blogging here almost completely because I always feel that any post here has to fit my “brand” — whatever my brand is. I think the problem became me trying to fit myself into some mold I’m not; trying… Read more »

Nope, taking care of the dog did not, in fact, kill me

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Or at least I assume so, as I seem to still be corporeal. (Though my body is disintegrating at an alarming rate now I’m this close to being 30. It is possible I am a zombie.) It occurred to me today that I hadn’t posted here since December, and that I should probably remedy that, as my last post was… Read more »

Thoughts I had while walking the dog yesterday

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While driving up to the mountain: please don’t jump out the window at those rabbits please don’t jump out the window at those rabbits please don’t jump out the window GOOD BOY While walking up the mountain: it’s DECEMBER WHY IS IT SO WARM Where’d he go? Oh there he is. Mountain for first dog walk since before broken leg… Read more »