It’s the time of year I tend to reflect, look inward, look forward. Divination features heavily. Goal-setting. Decisions about where my life is going.
Every birthday is a new year, after all–a new age, a new stage of life. Especially the big milestones; they stand out more than anything else.
This year in particular I have felt large internal changes all week. I’m a different person than I was on Thursday, August 6th. Somehow in 7 days I have become reborn.
But conversely, I’m still the same hot mess I’ve always been. Even when you are constantly changing, growing, evolving, something of the core remains the same. Something remains constant.
It’s the mystery and miracle of being human.
This year I am approaching the “new year’s” aspect of my birthday a little differently. So often in the past I’ve made a list of lofty goals I wanted to accomplish in the coming year, things to check off my list before I turned the next age, whatever it was.
I feel little desire to do that this year.
Which isn’t to say I’m not setting some goals, or moving forward towards my big dreams and aspirations. I’m just not making a checklist. It’s more vague, more vibes-based, more intuitive.
More immediate. Instead of thinking hard about a change I’d like to make, I have just…done things.
This is the third day in a row I’m blogging here and each time I sat down without much of an idea where the post would go, and wrote and published it within about an hour of my time. No agonizing, no editing. Just raw words, plopped down without second thought.
I am tired of performing. So funny to hear from a Leo, of all of us, but that’s probably what the solar eclipse in Leo has done for me. Made me realize the places where I’ve been performing life instead of living it.
And it happened two days before my 40th birthday–an age where I am very ready to drop pretense and re-discover authenticity.
Today I did a tarot reading with Sarra on her Coffee Chat–one she designed and shared with us this afternoon. I used my new Galactic Star Tarot, which is a Starseed tarot deck that I got because the artwork sang to my sci-fi and fantasy writing soul.
My first time using the deck, and the messages were just what I needed–telling me I am on the right track with my writing, and how I can stop holding myself back and fully step into my power and calling.
My life is definitely in transition right now and in previous years I would have been stressed out by it, but today I’m not.
I’m having an excellent birthday. So many people have sent me well wishes and I am so blessed to have so much love in my life.
My husband has spoiled me rotten, and the blessing that is being loved well by a good man cannot be overstated.
I have been allowed to do what I want to do with my birthday, which is the best gift that can be given (and looks like mostly being left alone to do my own stuff–coffee, divination, writing–before waking day-sleeping husband up to have dinner and spend the evening together).
So whatever comes in the near future, whatever changes, I feel ready to weather. I thought turning 40 was going to be some big, scary event, but it’s been fine, really.
Life keeps getting better. And I’m not giving up on my dreams, though many think I should at this point.
I absolutely refuse to let a little thing like “realism” (which so often is pessimism in a jacket and glasses) get in the way of my dreams and aspirations. Realism is nothing more than a limiting belief, and I’m done letting it drag me down.
40 is the beginning of my Delulu Era. I am using all the power and magic within to make my dreams come true, no matter how delulu they might seem.
All dreams seemed crazy at one point, until they were realized. That’s why they’re dreams, and that’s why we’re magic.
And speaking of, I’m off to work on my fiction–because one of my big dreams is to get Chosen of Kore out this year, and it won’t actually write itself (shocker).
Stay delulu, friends.
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